Its been over a year since I’ve written anything, on any of my blogs, and on my most recent night shift, I made a realisation that I missed writing. 2015 has been yet another year of ups and downs and Im at a point where I don’t really know what I want to do or where I want to go.
I am still at my job, working with young adults with autism and challenging behaviour, and I do still love it, although I am now at a point where I am ready to either move up or move on. At the start of this year I was subject to a very viscous attack at work, which made me sit down and question whether I really wanted to stay in that job. After thinking long and hard, and after many chats with colleagues and managers, I realised I did, and have started looking towards further myself in this career. I am now looking to either become team leader within my current company, or move to another company where I have a better chance of progression. I hope eventually to become a foster carer so I am looking for any way to help me in that sense. I cant decide whether to try and keep progress or to go back to uni for further training. Its a difficult decision that wont come easy, but Im at a place where I cant start looking at my options and seeing where each leads.
So what were my aims last year?
1. Buy a house. This has been successful! At the start of this year I brought a small two bed house. Im currently still living in a rented flat as my house is have building work being done to it, but I aim to move in around May. I feel that I will finally have a place that I can call my own, a place where I can do and change whatever I want, where-ever I want, and I hope this will encourage me to feel more settled as I can make this environment truly my own. I will also have a cat!
2. Relationships. I started a relationship at the start of last year with a guy I really liked. We got on really well, however, after 9 months, he told me he never wanted children, his own or adopted. There were many other issues but this was the point where I knew we couldn’t work through them. It was an amicable break up and I have found someone who looks after me, cares for me, wants to make me happy, and for once, someone who I can actually see a future with, as he wants what I want. Its not easy by any means. my own personal issues are currently putting a stop on many things, but he is standing by me, and he understands that, although it can seem like Im pushing away, I still want to be with him.
3. Massage. Last year I gave one professional massage. I currently cannot give any due to a shoulder injury, but I am still looking to develop this and am hoping to move into massage eventually, but I have come to realise that now is not the time for me to be developing this. I need to be in a place of financial security for me to set up my own business, and I want to build and develop more therapies so that, when I do decide to start, I can do so offering a wide range of products.
4. Family. I went home a little more last year, for shorter periods, and I feel I have built stronger relationships with all of my family. Me and my sister talk less when were apart, but when together, were able to sit together and have proper conversations, and have come to an understanding of each other where were comfortable with each other. My brother and me and still at a same place but that has never been an issue, and I am finally getting closer with my Dad. I see him regularly when I go home and we’ve started having proper conversations. This is something I hope to keep up!
So what does this year bring for me?
I have started realising that I need to really focus on myself. My depression is still here, and it has been going through massive ups and downs, but I am prepared to go to the doctors to try and regulate my mood swings so that I can focus on what I need to do to become stable. I have come to a point where I don’t know what I want to do short term, and although I have an idea of what my long term goals are, I now want to sit down and work out how to get there. Last year was eventful, and it brought around many good things for me! This year will be better!